Day 16

I hate Mondays...no I don't, I don't have a job, which makes Mondays meaningless. But despite the fact that days have no meaning to me anymore, weeks still do. Like this week, "Lost" comes back, and some Girl Scout Cookie orders were placed by my parents. One of the few perks of living with my parents, I don't have to pay for Girl Scout Cookies nor go through the arduous task of finding girl scouts in a college town. Seriously sometimes my searches got so intense and took me to such random places that I almost balked at following some leads for fear that Chris Hansen was going to pop out. I don't think the Girl Scout Cookie excuse would've worked. Although it'd be pretty bold if someone tried it. Imagine a pervert showing up to the house with a backup plan. There's no way it'd work but I'd love to see some guy pull out a Girl Scout cookie order form, claim to be at the wrong house, and try to leave. He's pinned to the pavement screaming "I was just here for Girl Scout Cookies! I ain't no pervert I swear to God! Fuck you PO-lice"

While the Girl Scout cookie order form was in my house I gave it a look over and for some reason most of the cookies had been renamed. I decided to clear my schedule and do a little investigating as to why these names were changed. Fifteen minutes later I'd given up. But I did find this on the Girl Scout Cookie website. Believe it or not the Girl Scouts didn't have the balls to fully change the names, and now refer to the renamed cookies by both names.

Tagalongs are now Peanut Butter Patties. Samoas are Caramel deLites. Trefoils are Shortbread. Thin Mints are still Thin Mints because I'm pretty sure there is no simpler way to describe that cookie, and this seems to be the theme here. That is except for the name change from Samoa to Caramel deLites. Maybe the correlation between Samoans and coconuts seemed mildly racist? Or maybe people who can't remember the names of the Girl Scout Cookies kept asking "What's the name of that delightful caramel flavored cookie? It had coconut, do you know what I'm talking about? I think it had something to do with brown people from the Pacific? Oh darn I can't remember the name".

Really I'm curious as to why the names were changed. Did the Girl Scouts of America think America is so retarded that we couldn't figure out what their cookies consist of? But at the same time apparently they felt the need to retain the old names so as not to confuse old customers, who they also assumed were too retarded to figure out which cookies are which now that the names have been changed. Even though the name changes literally just describe what is in the cookie (Including the Caramel deLite, now with extra deLite!). "Peanut Butter Pattie? Isn't that what a Tagalong is? The box is even red just like it. But this can't be the same because it doesn't say Tagalong! This is blowing my fucking mind!"

I, for one, am insulted. Girl Scouts of America, how dare you! First you shit on tradition, then you insult my intelligence, then you insult my intelligence again. Well guess what? I'm your worst nightmare. I'm an easily offended unemployed guy who's too poor to relieve his frustrations with alcohol (on a side note my huffing model glue phase ended shortly after it began, it doesn't have the charm of a gin and tonic or the blue collar feel of a beer, it mostly just makes my brain hurt). So now I'm going to take those frustrations out on you, via this blog. Fuck you Girl Scouts. I'll still eat your cookies, but I won't like it, or you.